Hi

I haven’t posted for a while, but thought as the new year is underway, I would update my life progress. I am the Director of a growing business and it is tough to navigate through the ups and downs. In fact last year, I almost had a breakdown, due to the combination of stress and dealing with the pressure by self medicating with alcohol and strong pain killers. I ended up going to the doctor who put me on Prozak!  I did all this while forgetting that Autosuggestion could help me and that I should not be drinking! I have learn’t that while the drink eases pressure and anxiety temporarily while drunk, it ACTUALLY GREATLY INCREASES these negative feelings when you are not fully inebriated. It also weakens my strength for looking into peoples eyes when feeling hungover all the time. Which is why alcoholism is a downward spiral.  Thankfully, with the aid of Autosuggestion, I have realised the error of my ways and I have not had a drink yet this year. I am now planning on only drinking now when it is totally unavoidable, like celebrating at a Stag party. I would prefer not to drink at all, but the idea of being around 20 odd drunk fellas, without a couple of beers in me, sounds like my idea of hell. Yes, you are right, I am still a little week and if I wanted to I could probably use Autosuggestion to fully stop drinking. I have used Auto Suggestion so far this year and the system continues to work!

I’ve found that I like a drink a little too much and was having one glass too many in the evening, which lead to feeling slightly ill most of the time. This dented my confidence. I have now not had a drink for 3 weeks. I’ve improved my fitness by running and training and i feel like a new man, with a new found confidence.

I’m trying for a dry 2016 as much as possible and will keep you posted about how I do.

Cheers.

I keep missing posts from people due to high level of spam I am getting. So please let me apologise if I didn’t get back to you. I try to reply to everyone. If anyone can suggest brilliant ways of getting rid of spam I would be very grateful!

I have recently had an epiphany. I have realised that before I struggled with anxiety, paranoia and eye contact I was really confident. It came to me that at that time I was 16 and not drinking alcohol. When I started drinking and taking drugs (recreationaly, I didn’t have a problem, it was more social than dependents) my life/brain/confidence turned upside down. Contradictory to this, when I drank a lot and took things like ecstasy my paranoia and inhibitions would disappear and would be able to make eye contact no problem at all. Then when the affects wore away, I would be left in a poor mental state and physically not that good either too. At the time I blamed it solely on the drugs and therefore gave them up. In my country drinking is that far woven into the fabric of society it is almost impossible to go out for the night and not be surrounded by people who are drinking. I also love the feeling of being a little drunk. It was a real release to be not feeling anxious and to be able to make eye contact again. However, now I have beaten the problem with the steps I prescribe in this website, I have realised that I still feel a little paranoid and not confident when my alcohol consumption is too high during the week (when I’m not drunk). Therefore, I have cut right back on the booze now and feel even better.

Recently I went to party and after drinking too much I ended up taking a legal high drug that someone offered me. The drug was very strong and was completely wired. This ended up with me becoming extremely paranoid, exactly how I used to be. The intense paranoia lasted for day and resulted in my fear of looking at people creeping back. It took me a few days to remember Auto Suggestion and I began feeding myself positive thoughts. I ended up repeating this phrase ‘I am not scared of anything! I am not scared of anyone looking at me and me looking at them!’ and even to my amasement I cured myself very quickly. This has now strengthened my belief in Auto Suggestion and I have spent more time feeding myself all kinds of positive messages as much as possible. I am currently involved in taking a product to market and Auto Suggestion has saved my job and the product from failing. In fact since I started feeding myself all these positive messages and cutting out or replacing all the negative thoughts the product has suddenly gone from strength to strength. This is because my positivity I am creating about myself and the product is being absorbed by the people I’m coming in to contact with

There are some profound ideas here, joining the past concept of Auto Suggestion with current science. I’ve watched it 3 times already.

Hi Ben,

First of all, thank you thank you thank you.
It’s strange, all of a sudden now I have no fear of eye contact whatsoever.
It was all in my head and I think your suggestion helped me to get the
strength to overcome it.
I also followed some advice of staring between the eyes of other
people which seems to do the trick.
Wow, now time to get out in the world and see what I been missing all my life!

Thanks.

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Hi 

I am absolutely over the moon for you, this news has made me smile all day!!!  I’m also made up that I have helped in some way.
 
It just shows how you can use this method to get over any fear.  Fear is an enemy (a week one at that) and can easily be defeated once you know how!
 
Please keep me posted with how your life changes over the coming months/years!
 
Cheers

Please read the comment and then my reply………

Hi Ben, I’m glad you created this site and you are willing to help. But please bear with me when I say that, when I look at people, I think of myself as like a deer in headlights. I believe my problem is that, I don’t really know how I should keep my face composure, when to blink, or how long I’m supposed to look at the person. It’s really embarrassing and really limiting my growth as a human being. I’m surprised at how many other people have the same exact problem but I do wonder if there are varying degrees of this problem. For instance, I have several problems: – I’m boring – I’m tired, tired to even smile. – I usually have tired eye look. – I lack things to say, so conversations usually end real short. So within first few minutes, other guy usually tries to find ways to end our conversation, like says gotta go some emergency came up while taking a deep breath, which really infuriate me. Due to all this, when I am staring at the other person, I get the feeling that he doesn’t want to communicate with me no more. And he will feel weird because I keep staring at him with nothing to say back. I’m guessing I have more to overcome than just to “not be afraid of anything”. It seems I need to be stating in my head “I’m not boring, I’m funny”. But that doesn’t help me much because I still don’t know what to say. Do you have any suggestion for me? …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Hi there

Thanks for your comment.

Can I start with saying that you are definitely not boring, I can tell this by the articulate and interesting way you have written your message above.

You have brought up an interesting point here and you are exactly right, there are many forms of the fear, which results in not being able to maintain eye contact. Since starting this blog, I realised I had a fear of being inferior to the person/people I was talking to. Therefore, I altered the instruction to something like “I will not have any fear of Judgment”. I repeated this, really forcing it through my mind, as much as I could. I also made sure I said the instruction just before entering into a social situation and it worked and it was a liberating feeling! When I was really suffering with not being able to make eye contact, I was desperate, my head was in bits and I knew something had to change! One day I decided that if I repeated to myself, I will not be scared of anything, it might help me overcome my fear and to my surprise it did! So yes, change the instruction to deal with a more specific problem. Once one problem is dealt with, change it again.

Whatever the problem is, it is happens because of the fear of it happening. From what you have said in your message, it is easy to see that you are using the method I have described (which is known more widely as Auto Suggestion) in a negative way, without even thinking about it. You have convinced yourself that you are boring and you have done this by telling yourself you are. Remember, your conscious mind (what you are reading this with) feeds your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind makes you act and feel the way you do. Therefore, if you use Auto suggestion to feed your subconscious mind a positive message and it will eventually act, this is a fact!

To help others, I wonder if you could keep a diary and send it me at the end of the each week? I will send this as an email so you can reply to me on there. I really hope this helps!

Cheers

Ben

I am aware that some people are struggling to crack their fear. And therefore I have added a new page with some other helpful tips. Keep going guys, you can do it!

There is lots of other advice on the internet about eye contact, which I’m sure you have read, but most of the websites fail to deal with the underlying issue, which is causing the problem. Never the less, I believe you should consider all the advice you read, as different combinations will work for different people. For instance, I read somewhere to smile with the eyes and to stick to one eye when looking at people, which I find helps me too. So using the steps I have descried, will help with the core issue and things like, concentrating on what people are saying, rather than where to look, will help with the physical problem.